Long-Silent Facebook Friend Comes Out Of Woodwork With Post Asking About Insulating Windows

DULUTH, MN—Breaking a silence that had lasted for several years, a long-dormant Facebook friend of local resident Maureen Sussman reportedly came out of the woodwork Wednesday with a status update asking how to properly insulate windows.





American Voices: Winston Churchill’s Blood Up For Auction

An auction house in Britain is reportedly auctioning off a vial of Winston Churchill’s blood that was taken by a student nurse who was caring for him after a hip fracture, and appraisers say it could fetch upwards of $900.




Opinion: If I End Up On Life Support, My Family Knows The Type Of Long, Protracted Legal Battle I Would Want (by Donald Reubens)


Restaurant Gives Totally Unwanted Twist To Mexican Cuisine

BERKELEY, CA—Claiming that the eatery was already generating a buzz among locals with its “East Meets Mex” flavors, owners of the Bento Burrito location on Shattuck Avenue explained to reporters Tuesday how their new restaurant offers a …




Jameis Winston Doesn’t Rule Out Playing Baseball In Prison

TAMPA, FL—Speaking to reporters Tuesday about potentially continuing as a two-sport athlete after college, Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston refused to rule out the possibility of someday playing baseball in prison.




American Voices: Study: Gerbils Were Actual Cause Of Black Plague

Challenging the widespread belief that the Black Plague of medieval Europe was spread by rats covered in disease-carrying fleas, a new study has found that the outbreak was more likely caused by flea-ridden gerbils.


Raytheon CEO Sends Obama Another Article About Mounting Unrest In Libya