The holiday season is officially here. Mary Charlene is definitely in the Christmas spirit, tweeting: “My ugly Christmas sweater perfectly matches my ugly personality.” Oh.. adorable.
Twitter user Tammy is celebrating a bit differently this year, tweeting, “Tequila has never made my clothes fall off. // Challenge accepted.” Sounds like a great way to ditch that ugly sweater.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
My favorite Christmas carol is the one where they blame the weather for their social anxiety and just stay home.
— (maura) (@behindyourback) December 18, 2014
“Do you have any questions?”
– Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
— Jamie Lynn (@Jay_FrickinLynn) December 14, 2014
“this salad is really hitting the spot”
– no one ever
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) December 15, 2014
my ugly Christmas sweater perfectly matches my ugly personality
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 17, 2014
I’m Irish on my mom’s side, narcissistic maniac on my dad’s.
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) December 17, 2014
Just got sent a bottle of red wine and a blanket at work, because apparently someone wants me to accomplish nothing today.
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) December 16, 2014
“I had to wonder.. are our girlfriends our real soul mates, and males are just biological accidents?” – me if I was a popular dating blogger
— Callie Beusman (@cal_beu) December 16, 2014
Home for the Honda Days
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) December 16, 2014
I am in my own clique, just me, myself, and all my other personalities
— Feeds On Your Soul (@tiemespankme) December 17, 2014
Because the world needs yet another derivative of assholes.
— ALICE (@In_Twittaland) December 15, 2014
Always hated Merry-Go-Rounds.
I can go nowhere in my own life.
And not get nauseous doing it.
— Ginger (@GingerJ17) December 16, 2014
Plug the coffee maker into an Ethernet hub to see what happens.
Not (too) much.
— ~Tweety~ (@XAIMMadellynne) December 15, 2014
I’ve noticed that my last hour at work is usually spent coming up with different reasons as to why I can’t cook dinner when I get home.
— NotTHATSheila (@peb671) December 16, 2014
You know you’re tired when you drop something and negotiate with yourself how badly you need it…before you bend down to pick it up.
— blondie (@Blonde4Dayz) December 16, 2014
Who called it “twittercide” and not “doing something productive and meaningful with your life?”
— protolalia (@protolalia) December 17, 2014
Those stick figures on the back of cars represent what’s in there?
*Attaches pics of dried cheese sticks, 13 random socks & biohazard sign*
— Marl beans (@Marlebean) December 16, 2014
The amount of times you tell yourself it doesn’t matter is directly proportional to how much it does.
— Ann (@writerPT) December 16, 2014
You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why. Life gets worse when you’re an adult.
— Tweets by Dreidel (@OhNoSheTwitnt) December 17, 2014
Tequila has never made my clothes fall off
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) December 16, 2014
“whale” is the weakest insult ever. oh, i have a giant brain and rule the sea with my majesty? what have you accomplished lately, steve?
— Lindy West (@thelindywest) December 19, 2014
Imagine me, sexting you.
More sitting on the toilet.
— NickyNackyNoo (@BritishNicx) October 10, 2014
Ways to get me to fall in love with you:
1. Be a donut.
— The Alicianater (@leechee420) December 19, 2014