Urgent Travel Warning from the Ministry of Magic

The Ministry of Magic’s Foreign Affairs Department orders an immediate evacuation of all magical communities in the U.S. The No-Maj Trump administration has signed an Executive Order that, effective immediately, bans all witches, wizards, and squibs from the U.S., including those with valid visas, green cards, and portkeys.
The Floo Network will be used for emergency evacuations, as some witches and wizards are currently being detained at JFK Terminal 4.

Witches, wizards, and anyone with critical thinking faculties must remain vigilant for charges that include posing a threat to U.S. national security. Magical communities who remain in the U.S. may be subjected to additional discrimination, targeted by extraordinary surveillance, and forced to take an ideological test; Wizard registry to follow. Witches and wizards should closely follow media reports, Twitter accounts, alt-Twitter accounts, rogue Twitter accounts, and owl posts to evaluate the risks of remaining in the country. Your O.W.L. or N.E.W.T scores do not matter. The most decorated students of Ilvermorny will face deportation once their student wizard visas expire, if not sooner.

Witches and wizards, particularly half-bloods and mud bloods, continue to experience harassment and racial profiling within the U.S. Hate crimes have spiked following the election of self-avowed Golden Snitch grabber and anti-Wizard bigot, Donald J. Trump. The U.S. government continues to repress other minority magical groups including giants and unicorns. Centaurs, in particular, are urged to avoid Muggles in red hats. Consequently, some areas within the country where magical minorities reside – including Flint, Ferguson, and Standing Rock – remain unsafe. Magical communities holding peaceful protests are subject to arrest and prosecution.

Squibs studying in non-magical schools should also be cautious as this country suffers from frequent gun violence, particularly in classrooms.* Should squib students decide to continue with their studies, the Magical Congress of the United States of America offers Active Shooter training sessions free of charge.

The U.S. government has severed diplomatic relations with the Ministry of Magic and, therefore, we cannot provide protection or consular protection to magical communities. While the International Confederation of Wizards has formally condemned these actions, it is not clear if the Trump administration intends to heed them or just “take names.” Please remain vigilant and avoid satire.

* Guns are a metal wand that Muggles use to kill each other.

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Winona Ryder Looking At Pizza Might Be Cheesy, But It Delivers

This will take a good pizza your day.

After Winona Ryder displayed a wide range of puzzled looks at the SAG Awards, people figured there had to be an explanation. According to “Stranger Things” star Gaten Matarazzo, Ryder just couldn’t hear co-star David Harbour’s speech.

That may very well be true, but the internet has come up with a better reason: pizza. 

Because the answer is always pizza.

 

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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