Trump Hostage Video Released

Last night, Donald Trump, who has been taken hostage by a shadowy group that goes under the acronym GOP and is said to be led by a mysterious figure who uses the nom de guerre “Reince Priebus,” read a statement that was obviously written by his captors.

In the statement, Trump “endorsed” House Speaker Paul Ryan, Arizona Sen. John McCain, and New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte.

Specialists in hostage video statements that captives are forced to read noted all the tell-tale signs in Mr. Trump’s voice and face indicting that the words he was reading were not his and that he did not believe what he was saying.

While no one holding a gun pointed at Mr. Trump is visible in the video, as Mr. Trump is wont to say, “Many people are saying that.”

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