Forget The Thigh Gap. Today’s Hottest Trend Is The Wage Gap

The 20th century’s hottest trend for women is making a comeback, and FRANKLY, it never left. Forget the thigh gap. Embrace your XX chromosome combo with an old classic: the wage gap. Because nothing says “womanhood” quite like making 78 cents on the dollar.

It was wrong for the media to suggest that women should drastically alter their diet and workouts in order to have a quarter inch between their legs to look more “feminine”. A far more attainable and vibrant display of womanhood is making less money than men in the workforce. Every guy in town will try to get you to stay the night, which will be SUPER helpful since you’ll struggle to make rent.

Well ladies, what do you think? Still skeptical? Don’t be. Transitioning from the thigh gap to the wage gap as a goal is simple. Both are biased against mothers. Both decreased slightly in the ’90s. And both are promoted by Old Navy. Who doesn’t love Old Navy? They made “performance fleece” for God’s sake.

Forcing yourself not to eat is wrong. Testing your body and mind to such extreme lengths is extremely dangerous. Why put yourself through the stress? It’s better to simply moderate your diet, and a great way to do so is being unable to afford food due to the hardships of poverty. Say goodbye to shopping at Costco for their large portions, and say hello to going to Costco purely for their free samples. The inability to obtain even the simplest of luxuries will make the word “dessert” foreign to you, as well as the words “tip” and “restaurant.”

You’ll never have to worry about whether or not you look good in your pants again. In fact, you won’t be able to worry about much of anything ever again. The inability to purchase food and water will send your brain into “fight or flight” mode, so all you’ll really worry about is if survival is possible. No more stressing the little things!

Embrace the wage gap, it already embraces you.

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