News in Brief: More Realistic Meat Substitute Made From Soy Raised In Brutally Cruel Conditions

ROCHESTER, MN—Hailing it as the best-tasting and most satisfying such product on the market, vegetarian food manufacturer Greenwood Farms unveiled a more realistic meat substitute Friday made from soy raised in brutally cruel conditions.

According to company spokespeople, the new line of “Nature’s Way” meatless products is made from soybeans grown and harvested in dark, cramped conditions where they suffer maltreatment and neglect from the moment they sprout, giving them a texture and flavor closer to that of factory-farmed beef, pork, and chicken.

“When you sink your teeth into one of our veggie burgers, you’ll know this is the kind of flavor you can only get from soybeans that have never seen actual sunlight.”

“Our vegetarian entrées and meal starters are the most authentically meat-like available on the market, because we make sure our soybeans are raised in filth-caked, overcrowded growing troughs in a windowless facility where …

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