News in Brief: Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around. “He just started jogging, like, a block or two back, but he already looks really winded—this guy obviously just decided to get his life back on track within the past couple days,” said onlooker Paul Gerstein, surmising that the man had likely been inspired to choose a running distance far beyond his capabilities after recently taking stock of his limited career and relationship prospects, looking at himself in the mirror in disappointment, or watching a TED talk on how to become one’s best self. “Just look at how slow he’s going. This is almost certainly just a part …



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