At first I did not get it. I asked myself, why was immigration one of the most important issues for New Hampshire Republican primary voters. (Immigration was not a top issue for New Hampshire Democrats.) Donald Trump owes his victory in New Hampshire in part to the issue of immigration. The Republicans who said that immigration was the most important issue were most likely to vote for Trump.
I did not understand why immigration would be so important to Republicans in one of the states furthest from the U.S.-Mexico border and in a state with a relatively small immigrant population. Then I looked at the Census data for New Hampshire, and I quickly saw the problem–Canadians!
The biggest immigrant group in New Hampshire is Canadians. Now I understand why Republicans are angry about immigration. It is well known that when Canada sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending people like you, dear reader. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems to us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
We have to stop the influx of Canadians scurrying across the U.S.-Canada border. It is well known that Canadians traffic in that most addictive of substances: maple syrup. And further, research has shown that maple syrup is merely a gateway drug to high-fructose corn syrup. I call on Donald Trump to proclaim that he will build a wall on the U.S.-Canada border and that he will make Canada pay for it. Only with a giant wall will we be able to secure the northern border.
I believe in telling it like it is: Canadian society is full of violent thugs. The evidence can be seen in their national sport–hockey–which is merely a brawl on ice. I call on Donald Trump to call for a temporary ban on all Canadians entering the United States until we can be certain that no hockey fans are being allowed into the country.
As I looked more deeply into the Census data, I discovered another issue that is probably angering New Hampshire Trumpeters–Europeans! By region, there are more European immigrants than Latin American immigrants in New Hampshire. Why are we letting in people from countries that we’ve defeated in wars? The English, Germans, Italians, and Russians (the Cold War) are all invading New Hampshire. It’s only a matter of time before the English insist that we speak their language.
Obviously, Trump’s U.S.-Mexico wall and his soon-to-be-proposed U.S.-Canada wall will not keep out the Europeans since they come here by boat. The Mayflower is well known in our history for being the start of the flood of European immigrants that our leaders have been too stupid to stop. And I should add that some Europeans, I assume, come by plane.
Algernon Austin would like his friends and relatives in Canada and Europe to know that he is only joking. He is also the author of America Is Not Post-Racial: Xenophobia, Islamophobia, Racism, and the 44th President which is the only book to analyze the 25 million Obama Haters in America.
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