Spencer Green: Debt Crisis Update: Democrats Double Dog Dare Republicans; Republicans Hold Breath, Turn Blue

The debt ceiling stalemate continues on Capitol Hill, with Democrats daring and then double dog daring Republicans to negotiate the debt limit without increasing tax revenue, while Republicans held their collective breath and turned blue. “The Republicans are poopyheads!” said Democratic Senator Miles Perland, flailing his arms and stamping his feet on the ground. “Their heads are full of poo! I hate them! I hate them! I hate them all SO MUCH!”

Both parties seemed to be making progress until Republican Senator Wattler said that “tax hikes are off the table” and Democratic Senator Luke Isherworm began to repeat “tax hikes are off the table” in a high, squeaky voice. Wattler demanded that Isherworm stop repeating what he said but, instead, Isherworm began to repeat, “Stop repeating what I said,” in the same squeaky voice. This continued for several minutes until Wattler stuck his fingers in his ears and said, “La la la la la la,” in an attempt to drown out what Isherworm was saying.

Things went downhill from there, with President Obama, House Speaker John Boehner, and Senators and Congressmen from both sides making fart noises and sticking their tongues out at each other, followed by paste-eating and vigorous exchanges of spitballs. “I fell down and hurt my knee,” recalled Democratic Congressman Lionel Atgoll, whose mother Mildred kissed it and made it feel better. Ms. Atgoll then demanded that everyone take a time out, but most of the politicians had already taken their toys with them and gone home.

“They just need a nap,” said Ms. Atgoll. “If they’re good when they return to the negotiating table and serious about preventing a default, maybe they’ll get some juice and cookies. But only if they promise to be good.” Inside sources report that the politicians did promise to be good, but noted that many of them had their fingers crossed behind their backs when they made the promise.

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