Ben Ritz: Rebecca Black to Join Sarah Palin on "Friday Morning in America" Tour

Due to the success of her latest cross-country promotional tour, Sarah Palin announced via twitter that she would begin another with YouTube sensation Rebecca Black later this month. The upcoming “Friday Morning in America” tour will start in Des Moines, Iowa and end in Columbia, South Carolina. The tour will travel through all of the early primary states, fueling speculation that Ms. Palin either is about to mount a campaign for president or is an incredibly narcissistic media glutton who has no interest in public office but will do anything to satisfy her insatiable desire for attention.

As part of the contract, Rebecca will be required to teach Governor Palin the days of the week, in order, as well as decide where to sit on the bus at least 24 hours in advance to minimize any last minute confusion over which seat she can take.

“We’re very excited about the tour,” said Michael Glassner, Palin’s new chief of staff. “We believe that the Palin-Black duo will showcase Governor Palin’s unique skills to the public. Everyone on our team believes that both Sarah and Rebecca are popular among the American people for the same simple reasons: they excel at what they do and are both extremely talented professionals in their field.”

“Sarah wants to reach out to young voters,” said another Palin aide. “She knows how much young voters admire Rebecca Black’s talents. She’s proving that she understands the interests of the youth like she understands the concerns of out-of-work Americans.” The aide also said that the tour’s organizers plan to capitalize on Black’s success by hiring her songwriter from the ARK Music Factory to be Palin’s new speechwriter, which they say will be a significant improvement over the speeches the half-term governor writes on her hand. Additionally, all of the speeches will now be heavily auto-tuned to match Rebecca Black’s unique artistic style.

Sources in the Palin camp say that they hope that this tour will show that their candidate is as qualified to be president as Rebecca Black is to be a lead vocalist. Meanwhile, sources from the Romney campaign report that their candidate is in negotiations to launch a similar “Never Say Never to the Individual Mandate” tour with Justin Bieber.

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