I have just listened to “Kidz Bop 18: Today’s Biggest Hits Sung for Kids by Kids” in its entirety.
I really wanted to hate it. Instead, I’m simply baffled.
Here are my top 12 questions:
- Do children really prefer that other children sing inferior cover versions of their favorite pop songs?
- Why not just have the original artist record an edited version?
- Why go through the trouble of hiring 12 year olds to cover Justin Beiber’s “Baby” when the original artist is basically the same age?
- Are children actually asking their parents to buy these albums?
- Those children are like 4 years old, right?
- Do any adults ever purchase Kidz Bop without being asked?
- Do these adults have any understanding of modern music? (Hint: they bought a CD with the word “Bop” in the title.)
- Doesn’t Kidz Bop take it’s lyrical editing too far? On Katy Perrys’ “California Gurls”, a “sun kissed beach,” not “sun kissed skin,” will melt your popsicle. Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” stand-ins are not “sippin’ that bub,” but rather, “eatin’ that grub.” Isn’t that a little lame, even for 4 year olds?
- Many of the songs (“Break Your Heart”, “Alejandro”, “Single Ladies”) concern adult relationships. Isn’t this inconsistent with Kidz Bop’s mission to infantilize everything it touches?
- Why does Kidz Bop support atheism? On the song “Breakeven,” one of the kidz laments that he/she (it’s hard to tell at this age) is “praying to a thing that I don’t believe in.” While certainly less direct than The Script’s original “praying to a god that I don’t believe in,” the atheist message remains intact.
- Aren’t atheist parents the least likely to have a problem with mild references to alcohol and sexuality?
- Are most purchases of Kidz Bop ironic at this point?
For the sake of America’s children, I truly hope so.